Depression

This may be the hardest post I will ever write.

I didn't even know if I was ready to share my story yet, but the reason behind my decision to share is to encourage and help people who can relate to my story. If you are reading this, that means I was brave enough to post this and hopefully you too can share your story with your loved ones. Growing up I heard the word depression being thrown around but I never thought I would experience this. My brother's passing triggered my emotions. To Him we belong and to Him we shall return. I fully understand that this was Allah's decree and we do not question Him. His plans are the best plans. Thus began some of the hardest times in my life. Ironically many of those nearest and dearest to me do not know this; yet I am writing about this on my blog for all the world to see and hopefully benefit from it (I doubt all the world reads my blog, but one day inshaAllah).

I think speaking out is important. The topic of mental health and depression being stigmatised is a post for another day.

I want to explain to someone who has never suffered from this what it feels like for me. It is this deep aching pain inside. It is as if a light has gone out in the world and everything is extremely dark. There are days when I have not wanted to get out of bed, days when showering and eating feel like the hardest things in the world. I name them my "episodes." When they come along, it is a battle not to hurt myself. Thankfully for me I have been saved from hurting myself. It is crying for hours for no apparent reason. It is being extremely sensitive to everything. It feels like everyone would be better off without me.

I am here to tell those that are suffering that this too shall pass. Keep good faith and do not despair in the mercy of your Lord.

On the good days; plead with your Lord to heal and be grateful to Him for all the countless blessings.. Keep your tongue busy in the remembrance of Allah. Look after yourself. Love yourself. Take a walk in the park to refresh your mind and contemplate, eat your favourite food, go see a long lost friend. Do NOT isolate yourself as tempting as that may be. Don't pressure yourself too much; if you need a day to relax and unwind do it. If you need to cancel plans do it. Your self-care and mental well-being is priority. Just as though if you broke your leg you would need to rest it; your heart also needs healing.

Ignore those that belittle your pain. Know that not even a thorn pricks a believer without it being an expiation for his sins. May Allah heal you completely and give you the strength to keep on fighting. Those that are suffering get help and confide in those close to you. As believers, we fully understand that Allah is the curer but we have been told to tie our camel i.e. utilising means to help us.  You are not alone, there are people that love you and the ones that are tested the most are the ones that Allah loves. You are awesome; I say that with confidence even though I do not know you. The best times in your life may be yet to come. Remember Allah does not place a burden on a soul more than what it can bear.

To those that are supporting loved ones with depression: it is imperative to take time to listen to us without judgement. We don't always want a solution; we just want you to be there for us. Reaching out for help is so difficult for us, the temptation to bottle things up and conceal our struggles will only increase if we feel judged. Unfortunately, many who have committed suicide were either too scared to cry out for help or were singled out within the community or their own cohort. (May Allah have mercy on their souls).  Don't criticise us when we are at our lowest as that will just make us feel worse and decrease our confidence. Please do not tell us that there are people worst off than us; we know this but telling us this doesn't lessen our pain, encourage us to get out of the house sometimes; we may complain about it or decline the offer but it is very much needed. Take us to spiritual gatherings and most importantly pray for us. To our supporters, the hidden heroes, we are immensely grateful that Allah has placed you in our lives. May the Almighty bless your souls and grant you the highest ranks in Paradise.

You are so much more than your illness (this is what depression is; an invisible sickness.) Maybe you are an amazing cook, a wonderful writer or talented at sport. Maybe you recite Quran beautifully or you are fantastic with children. Remember you have strengths, goals and ambitions.

If anyone is wondering about my journey, I am on the road to recovery Alhamdulillah. The support of my loved ones and praying to my Lord daily has helped. Please remember me in your prayers.

May Allah give you the best in this world and the best in the hereafter.